Writer Patty’s Publication Adventure

We have explored tense, point of view and imagery. In this article, we will discuss good sentences and how to make them work together to create narration that flows. While you are writing your rough draft, I suggest that you do not concern yourself with sentence structure, but with getting the story down as you see it happening in your mind. The ideas discussed in this article will be more useful during the editing process to help you polish the story.

For some of us, it would help to go back to the basics. If words like simple, compound and complex are not familiar to you, then I suggest reading this short article on The Structure of a Sentence.

Sentence variety can really freshen up your prose. It can be tedious reading if an author starts every sentence off with a pronoun or litters them with adverbs and too many adjectives. Sentences can be made stronger by cutting out repeated words and by including active verbs that show the reader what is going on instead of telling them.

Adverbs modify a verb or an adjective. They often weaken a sentence and should be used sparingly.

Example of an adverb modifying an adjective: The very slow turtle crossed the road.

An improvement would be: The turtle took his time crossing the road.

Example of an adverb modifying a verb: Paul walked slowly across the lawn, admiring the flowering garden.

An improvement would be: Paul strolled across the lawn, admiring the flowering garden.

This leads me to my next point. People don’t always walk. Sometimes they shuffle, stroll, jog, stumble, etc. Your character might look at something or someone, but sometimes they glare, stare, gaze, etc. Sometimes they smile, but often they will have a lopsided grin or their mouth might turn up slightly or they might bite their lip. And most people don’t go around sighing all day long.

When you edit your work, be aware of how you start your sentences. If every sentence or paragraph starts with I, he, they or a proper name, rewrites might be in order.

Compare the two sentences below. The first is full of the issues are mentioned above and the second is the same scene, but with active verbs, less adverbs and good sentence variety.

Ralph opened the refrigerator and frowned disgustedly. He gagged when the odor of spoiled milk and rotten eggs reached him. He slammed the door shut and turned to look at the kitchen that was filthy. Ralph had only been gone for a week, and he couldn’t understand how his roommate could let the place get so filthy that quickly.

Ralph opened the refrigerator and scrunched his nose in disgust. The rancid smell of spoiled milk and rotten eggs hit him like a battering ram. With speed he didn’t think he had anymore, he slammed the door shut and turned to glare at the filthy kitchen. Ralph had only been gone for a week. Where was his roommate, and how could he let things get so bad?

Another great article on sentences can be found here: edittorrent

Can you think of other ways to improve sentences? Do you have a pet peeve when reading that I did not include here? Or, was this article a help to you at all? I want to hear from you. Please leave a comment and let me know.

In my next post of fiction writing tips, I will be starting a three part series on editing, comparing the process to the cleaving, cutting and polishing of rough diamonds.

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Tags: active verbs, editing, fiction, fiction writing tips, filthy, point, sentence variety, sentences, slow turtle, story, writing

This entry was posted by writerpatty on Tuesday, June 2nd, 2009 at 2:49 pm and is filed under editing. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.